Music To My Ears

I love you *hore...

2010-09-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well it's official, I, Em Demos, am an 'I love you' whore. I think I've always known that I was but yesterday and the past few weeks have reminded of this fact. I do, truly love my friends and family but I have discovered that I give out "love you's" like free clinics give out condoms. I don't mean to, it just sort of well...happens!

Taking some time to really think about it, I might have a couple hypothesis as to why I do this. Part of it is that I'm looking for love from others and by putting it out there first means I'm taking the first step and am hopeful that the other person will give it back to me. Also I think I use it as a saluation, much like hello and good bye. Why do I do this? It totally makes me into an "I love you whore."

If You Want to Be Happy, Be.

2010-04-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Happiness is such a strange thing. Sometimes it seems to simply float above you, nearly truly landing in your life but then other times it's as though it completely surrounds you, your life and everything and everyone in it.

Currently I'm trying to really, really focus on the happiness, good, and joy that is occurring in my life. This is no doubt difficult from time to time, but I'm trying to base my life on what is truly wonderful about my life! I have AMAZING parents- my mom is finally living a relatively stable life. I adore my extended family; my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and future niece or nephew on the way and all my aunts, uncles and cousins...and my friends. Who could ever replace my incredible, AWESOME friends?! I truly have some of the most beautiful and thoughtful friends on this earth. And last but not least- Tommy. We have gone through our ups and downs, but I am proud and happy to say, at the end of the day we go to sleep in each others arms. :-)

Something else that brings a small amount of joy and happiness to me in a very obscure way is postsecret. If you've been living in a cave for the last few years, postsecret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on a homemade postcard. It is truly amazing to me how many people actually send in their secrets. On top of that the seriously, silliness, sadness, terror and joy that can be felt through these simple postcards, well it's almost surreal. I don't think I could ever be brave enough to mail in my own secrets, but it's pretty incredible how many you can find that share many of your own hopes, dreams, fears and worries.

So here are a few of my favorite quotes, photos and postsecrets...ENJOY!!

This is exactly what I was talking about...
This is my motto lately about when I begin to think I can't do what I want...

The last two are postsecrets that demonstrate the whismy and pain that they can express.

Hope that you all are enjoying your happiness!

Allowing Time to Slip Through My Fingers

2010-04-19T12:22:00.001-07:00

So the initial reason I created this blog was to use it to express myself and I find that I haven't been doing that lately. So here I am...going back to square one and working on one of the things that I set out to do.

What have I been up to lately? Well...working two jobs, Magna Carta and Target. Attempting to have a social life. Making time for my ever important family (Geno is growing up so quickly and will have a baby brother or sister VERY soon!) Help welcome the newest member of the PHD family- Grady, my mom and pops new and absolutely adorable puppy.

But the main thing is that I'm attempting to focus on the incredibly positive in my life. I have a job...two in fact. An incredibly boyfriend who I adore, great family and friends who I love spending time with.

So I guess this is more of an update post.

Don't Get Ahead of Yourselves...

2009-09-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

BUT...I've been thinking about weddings A LOT lately...Everything wedding; dresses, flowers, favors, cakes, COLORS, bridesmaids dresses...
This isn't something that Tommy and I have been talking about but between friends and families getting married it's definitely been a topic on my mind. Perhaps it's because I've graduated and I'm currently jobless and have nothing else to think about it, I guess it just happens to be a a highlighted thought!
So here are just a few of my current ideas-

DRESS-
It even has pockets...for years I had always imagined myself on my wedding day in a strapless gown but recently...I've been thinking about straps and this...I'M LOVING!!!

Dress # 2: Even though I've stopped thinking strapless...
It's just so whimsical and simple.

For color...I love the combination of deep purple and sunflower yellow! Weird perhaps but I had always imagined purple in my wedding but had always thought more of a lavender/lilac color but NOPE- this is way more my style! These bridesmaids dresses are the perfect color, I would like my ladies to have more liberty to decide what style they wear.

Okay, alright, enough dreaming, plotting and scheming (not to get an offer but simply being so OCD about planning) my wedding that isn't anywhere near where I am in my life currently. I'm sure my likes and dislikes, wants and not wants will changes numerous times before this ever happens but since I'm not in school right now it helps to express myself somehow and write...just to write helps!

The Good, The Bad and The Hopeful

2009-07-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

Based upon the title of this blog, here goes...the good most definitely out weighs the bad. Mom has been out of the hospital for over a month now...(HOORAY!!) and been off her oxygen for almost 2 weeks now. She has lost a lot of weight but is walking and talking (he he he) like a real champ. I can't even begin to express how absolutely moving it is to witness the transformation that is my mother. She went from being in the ICU for 42 days to be a medical miracle and living, breathing and walking on her own. When I saw her last weekend for the 4th of July I had to stop myself from crying every time she would stand up and do something, or have a normal conversation with anyone. By far the most touching moment had to be when my sister, brother-in-law and Geno finally arrived Friday afternoon and Geno went to LaLa (his name for mom), even though she couldn't lift him herself to hold him, the image of him in her arms will stay with me forever. How happy she was to finally hold him again was priceless.
Also good...Tommy and I have been together for over a year now. Officially my longest and happiest relationship. For our anniversary Tommy bought us tickets to go see Wicked in San Francisco. I loved every minute of it...Tommy says I looked like a kid in a candy shop. It was so much fun and I can't think of anyone else I would have wanted to experience that with.
So a little bad, I'm a college graduate and I still don't have a job and really no decent opportunities. Very frustrating, disappointing and aggravating but I'm trying to remember that everything happens for a reason and that this too shall pass. Tommy has been helping me search for jobs on-line the last couple of days and that's been great. Lately just the idea of searching on-line has been daunting and made me a bit depressed but I'm simply trying to remain positive and focused.
Hopeful...well I'm hopeful about my mom, the job situation and life in general. I really think that being around little kids reminds me of the joy and happiness that can be found in every aspect of life. Being with my nephew Geno reminded me that things as small as digging a hole, hearing you name called by a little one, or seeing a parade can be exciting new and precious moments.
To each and all of you...enjoy the little moments...

Life is What Happens When You're Busy Making Other Plans

2009-06-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

Well-
Mom is back in the hospital with another bowel obstruction. It seems as if this might be more of a regular problem than we were previously aware of. It truly seems like often the hospital, doctors, nurses and other various hospital staff are beating around the bush that they simply have no idea what it going on with my mom and have no freaking clue as to how to fix her. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING!!!! It absolutely terrifies me that my mom will never have a "normal" life again; that she will continually be in and out of hospital or stuck in there for the rest of her life (if that can even be defined as a life). I'm scared that she won't see me get married hopefully one day, hold her future grandchildren...I simply cannot imagine my life currently without her. I realize that everyone has their time to die but I truly cannot believe that that time is anytime soon for my mom. She is simply too young and has too many things still let to experience and do and too many people to meet and put her positive influence over.
I'm sorry that this post is so sad and depressing- just needed a little venting session.
Off to enjoy some time with Jenn, Taco Bell and Sunshine Cleaning!!!!

Graduation...and now onto the REAL WORLD!!

2009-05-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

So it's official-I am a college graduate! I have finished my undergraduate degree in International Relations with a minor in French (member of the foreign language's honor society!) The graduation ceremony was yesterday (Sunday, May 24th) at 9am. The weather was absolutely perfect. Warm but not hot, breezy but not windy! I had so many that came to support me. Mike and Kathy Barton. Toni, Anthony and Ri-bug Keenan. Heather, Beau, Jenn and Pat. Carol, Jack, Betsey, John and Bev. Miss Auntie Suzanne! My dad, Brett, and Max. Erin and Geno! The entire Nelson Family and of course Grandma. And last but certainly not least...my Tommy. My grad party was up at the Nelson's house, Lisa graciously hosted the party. She of course hosted an amazing party, full of fun times, laughter, smiles, and incredible food (per normal). It was definitely rough not having my mom there during the ceremony but my dad picked up my necklace that my Grandfather had given me from my mom the day before and was resourceful enough to get it to me during the ACTUAL CEREMONY via a security guard. GO DAD! I called my mom in the middle of the ceremony so that in a sense she was there with me. I think she really liked that. Everyone was so dang amazing. I am no doubt a blessed individual.
And now...onto the real world...more to come...

Listen

2009-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Obviously based upon the name of my blog, music is extremely important to me. I have always wanted to have music be a part of my career but I long ago realized that I wasn't talented enough to make it in the music business. Yet, even with that blow to my dreams, I know that music will always be a vital part of my life and I truly believe music can change your life. I always wanted to sing on a huge stage, and make a music video...touch people through my music just like so many artists have done for me in my past. So many songs/artists have given me the strength, power, sight to know what was meant to be and how to continue to live even when life's road got bumpy.
So the reason for this blog?
A list of songs that have changed my life...it will obviously not be complete, but a beginning...

Listen- Beyonce (preferably from the movie Dreamgirls because well yea, just watch it!)
Lost- Anouk (I cry literally every time...also if you enjoy dance watch the So You Think You Can Dance video with the song)
All I Want to Do- Sugarland
Stay- Sugarland
Bleeding Love- Leona Lewis
I Am Changing- Jennifer Hudson
Because Of You-Ne-yo
I Got Rhythm- Lena Horne
You'll Think of Me- Keith Urban
Just A Dream- Carrie Underwood
Seasons of Love- Rent (amazing!)
I'll Cover You (Reprise)- Rent (I cry every time I listen to it)
Don't Think I Don't Think About It- Darius Rucker
Defying Gravity- Wicked
For Good- Wicked
Waiting For the World to Change- John Mayer
Lucky- Jason Mraz (featuring Colbie Caillet)
You're Beautiful- James Blunt
I Don't Want To Be- Gavin DeGraw

I guess that's about it for now...
More later-

When It Rains It Pours...Now Waiting For The Rainbow

2009-04-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

And I'm sick...lol...Monday night after Math Club Pizza night I went straight home and got into bed, slept until 10 when Tommy kindly reminded me to take my meds and continued to sleep fitfully for the rest of the night from night sweats. Tuesday went to the health center ("Ahhh, you have cold- we take coulture for strep- take these meds, you done") Thanks mr "Dr." I could have freaking told you that. No word back from the health center so I'm assuming negative on the strep (shouldn't people call you back no matter what your results?) I've officially lost my voice, at least it's better than last night when I seriously thought my throat was going to burn off because it felt like everytime I coughed (which of course I had to do every 20 secs) was being rubbed with sandpaper! FUN! Other than that...today I'm feeling better, slept a lot (at Tommy's convincing), and now attempting to do some homework, well after this post.
On the up side finally got the Chicago family in the loop about everything going on with mom and family has been literally coming out of the woodwork to send love, support and prayers. My great Aunt is even talking about coming out to Reno to visit mom when she's a bit better and can talk. I think that part that meant the most to me about their support was that EVERY SINGLE ONE of them supports my decision to continue with my degree and graduate this May. They all said that that is exactly what my mom would want me to do. Not that I really needed the validation but it was nice to have them all in agreement and especially family that have known and loved my mom forever.
Another good note is that my mom is supposed to go in and have her trach put in tomorrow. They had planned on doing it on Monday but when she wasn't strong enough and her oxygen levels weren't as low as the doctors wanted they decided to postpone the procedure.
Currently my brain is on overload. I know I was ALREADY behind in my classes because of everything with my mom but now with me being sick it's simply just made it worse. I'm hoping against hope and praying with all my might that I will be able to pull it together and make it through with decent grades. It's rather disappointing since it's my final semester but I'm hoping that if future employers see my transcripts and ask why my grades were less strong my last semester of my senior year I will have a better answer than, "well I took off some time..."
Blah...okay enough...at least this time I had some positives right? Lol
Off to write a summary of the author of Cyrano de Bergerac. Jealous, much?

First Blog

2009-03-30T16:24:00.000-07:00

So after reading numerous friends (and random people's) blogs I decided that perhaps this was the best way for me to express myself during this thoroughly stressful, anxious, sad, happy, enjoyable, scary time in my life.
For those who don't know me, I'm Em- I live in Chico, CA and I'm finishing up my degree this May from Chico State! HORRAY!!! I live with my amazing boyfriend on the "other" side of town, away from the university and the typical Chico college lifestyle. I truthfully, I love it this way.
Where to even begin, this last month has been excruciatingly difficult...my mom has been in the hospital and even more scary in the ICU for almost 3 weeks now. Words don't describe the terror I feel when truly thinking about where and how she is. My mom is...my world. She is my care-giver, my friend, my supporter, my critic, my baby, my everything. Not being able to talk to her for the last 2 weeks has been perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.
Well I suppose that's enough complaining for one blog!
The next blog I promise to have something more interesting or at the very least less depressing to talk about...